i hope you see the sunset where you are and think of me

"I'm going away here soon," he put in casually, as he flicked on his blinker and turned onto the quiet road.

"Oh?" Trying hard to subdue the surprise in her voice, the young girl on the passenger side turned towards him with fake mild interest.

"Yeah.. Fort MacMurray. Just for a bit, to work of course. Should be home by around Next Winter." He slowed his driving as he turned another corner. The river was starting to take shape in the impending foreground. Rays of the dying sun dashed thier way across it's delicate surface, dancing in the light and distracting her eyes from his troubled face.

"Winter as in.. around a year from now?"

He smiled unsurely. "Yeah, that Winter."

Silence draped in around them both in the proceeding moments as they crossed the final stretch before the beach area. She fumbled for words while he fumbled with the radio dials and still niether uttered a word as the jeep drove to a halt.

The picturesque beach before them was desserted. Merely bushes and sand covered it's shores.

The girl remembered back to when they used to come swimming here. She would dive in, unsure if whether she could swim back to the surface again or not, (for mere lack of swimming capabilities) simply to try and impress him. Sometimes when she emerged from the water's surface, leeches would cling to her skin and he would be forced to first laugh at her as she ran around screaming, then to remove them with a steady hand and a bic lighter.

He remembered coming here as a child with his own father. They'd carry the canoe over thier heads down to the shore, load in thier lunch and fishing poles and spend the whole afternoon in search of the best catch, sometimes long into the night as well.

He took the key out of the ignition and opened the driver's door with ease, while she sat unmoving in her seat. A quick glance in the rearview mirror told her he was unloading beach chairs and a cooler out of the trunk.

"You coming down to watch the sunset then?" He called through the opened hatchback, the first words he'd spoken in a good ten minutes.

Unbuckling her seatbelt with new-found bravery, she stumbled out of the jeep, taking a deep breath and following her father down onto the river's shore.

He plunked himself down into a chair and motioned for her to do the same. Cracking open a can of gingerale, he handed an ice cold one in her direction as well. She stumbled and flopped into the canvas collapsing chair, took the gingerale from his hand and took a long drink.

In front of them the scene played slowly. Ducks swam gently, breaking the water and leaving a trail of golden ripples behind them. Crickets sang in the bushes at her side and the wind blew a sweetly warm breeze across her face.

"So... You're leaving then?"

He stared straight ahead instead of catching her eye the way she wished he would. She wanted to see if she could gather anything from his eyes. His eyes always told it all, so much like her own. Instead, he gazed decidedly into the distance for quite some time before answering.

"You know I don't want to. It has to be done."

"But why?" She blurted out before she could stop herself. "Why do you have to go so far away to work?"

He looked thoughtful and took another drink before turning her way. "The money," he said simply.

"The money? Since when did money matter to you Dad?"

"Since I was sued by your Mother." Immediately he turned apoligetically her way and smiled weakly. "You know if I don't pay they'll send me to jail... it have to do this, i'm not really given a choice."

"I dont want you to leave though," she begged him, begging the tears to hold themselves back too. "She doesn't understand me like you do. No one does. I know we don't talk so much anymore..." -she began- "But I still need you now more then ever Dad."

He put a strong, reassuring hand onto her delicate arm. "I know. We can talk on the phone whenever you want."

"It's not the same."

"Nothing's been the same for a long time now Dear. We need to learn to adapt ourselves to the current situation. I promise you, things will be fine."

"How can you promise me that? You can't even promise me a definite time to see me anymore. How can you promise me things will be ok?"

"I can't promise you that anymore now. I know that. All I can promise is that I'll always be here."

She rolled her eyes to the water when she was sure he couldn't see. "I need you to be here too."

A thousand things ran through her head as the wind blew through her shoulder length tangled hair. Her family was already so divided... She barely felt like she had a real one anymore. How could he just pack up and leave.. How could her mother just decide that she needed his money and force him to do that? How could he leave his family like that? How could she seperate her children from thier Father?

How could they sit there and watch the sunset and drink gingerale and ignore the fact that he was being forced to move away to work harsh hours for the Army in a place as foreign to him as another country while not being able to see the children he was working to pay for and having no one there for him?

A tear fell onto her arm and awoke her from her thoughts. She tugged her other arm out from under his warm hand and wiped her eyes in one quick movement.

"I'm getting cold now.. Do you think we could go home soon?"

Her dad looked a bit hurt and confused. "But, we didn't see the sunset yet."

She turned her back to him as she folded up the beach chair and tossed her pop can into the bush. "I'm not really in a sunset mood anymore."

Driving home she thought long and hard to herself and concluded she would never be in the sunset mood again.

presenting...

My new friend!

Isnt he just the cutest thing?

So this is my new pet, Wedding McFishter. He's a pretty cool guy, I have to say. He works parttime entertaining guests at Kale's dad's wedding, and this dude knows where it's at! You should see him boogy down, the sons got moves!

(Anyhow...)

Last night was the wedding. It was quite the good time! Partying it up with Amy Bruce and Kale, and of course Wedding (who I'm not quite sure is a boy or a girl yet...) But, while we were having all of our fun.. we were missing out on the grand ole Western Themed Saint Macs dance! (which I heard was quite amazing too!)

So being the great friend and entertainer he is, Wedding decided to cheer me up a bit last night...

Yeehaw!

It worked! And of course, there's always the next dance! Weddings only happen every now and then!

So, now that I was feeling better about missing it, there was only one problem!

Wedding won't eat!

I'm sure he had a ton of wedding cake last night.. so he might just still be stuffed. But no matter what I give to him; tuna, spinach, broccoli, radish, corn on the cob, he doesn't seem to want to eat it!

Mmm des bananes!

Alright, so I wasn't actually feeding the poor thing all that stuff. I was feeding him Chinese Fighting Fish food. I figured if I start him out on a good diet now.. we will have him into heavyweight wrestling in no time!

(Or pilates, eh chantal! :)
So anyhow.. I'm just spending my day here with my cool friend Wedding. You Know, chilling and such. Pretty Kickass day if you ask me eh!

*Editors Note: Please someone help me... I 'm so bored I'm making up alter egos for my pets!

an apple a day will get you an a

Well, if you're a total suck up.

Today was my first day back at Saint Macs, and woaaahhh. I swear, it was like Extreme Home Makeover came in an pimped our school. Seriously, the expansion is amazing. If you haven't seen it yet, make sure to get in there!

I had the most amazing day too. I can't remember why I was even the tiniest bit nervous anymore... Once I got back there and into the school it felt as if I hadn't even left for the summer. Like summer had never even happened... Well, except for the fact that it did.

My new homeroom teacher turned out to be my last year's Music teacher, who I couldn't stand then, and still can't now. For some weird reason, this year they have him teaching English... Which makes no sense at all so I might try transferring English classes.

Second period is Math with Mme. Pelletier. (A different one then the one I had in grade seven and totally and completely hated.) She seems alright I guess. Besides the fact that she has the desks set up in the most retarded way, with a huge empty space in the middle even though the class is packed to the max and seeing as it is a Math class, she needs the boards more then the middle of the class. So it's all cramped and stuffy and annoying and makes me frustrated because no matter which way I looked I couldn't quite see the board right.

Third period is Gym/Health with Mr King, which actually turned out to be quite the cool class seeing as he's a complete riot. Also, for the Health part of the class, he said if we continued to be a good class like we'd been today and cooperative then he would simply email all of our notes to us instead of making us copy them out. Which is an amazing idea if you ask me!

After Lunch, my fourth period is Social Studies with M. Dauphinee, (Some new teacher). I don't think I got onto his good side already though... Tori and I decided we would use his holepunch to put key-chain holes into our bus passes, and he wasn't even there to ask so we didn't think it was a big deal. But then he came in and started flipping out saying how we have to ask to use his equipment and all that jazz. And then he moved us all so we sit alphabetically. (Grr!) And me and Emilee were sitting there like whispering about something and he came over to our side of the class so we instantly changed into French and I didn't think he had heard but He's like "Talk French in this class, or get out." So I suppose we'll have to see how the relationship improves with dear M. Dauphinee and moi...

Last period of the day I have Visual Arts in one of the nice new Art rooms with Miss Crawford. That's probably going to end up being my favorite class. We're going to do pottery this year because with the expansion, the Art rooms got a new Klin room and pottery wheels and all that. She seems really new and like a fresh face (She only came to STM this year.) so I'm kind of excited to see what Art turns into this year.

I'm pretty determined to get things right this year. I want to see if I can do it all. Classes, extra curriculars, social life, plus maintain good grades for the year. (<-Probably going to be the hardest part.) I think if I keep my mind focused I can do it, actually no, I know I can do it. But then again, seems I'm the one who always has trouble focusing her mind.
Anyhow.

Hope you all had just as great of a first day as I did!

x0x

once in a lifetime

Black is her mask. It's her shadow and her darkness. Black's her composure in times of danger.

She doesn't wish for the rainbows or the sunny days anymore. She acts like she doesn't care about the flowers or the butterflys. She thrives off misery... Lives for the cold and the harsh Winter weather. Enjoys the sadness that hushes Earth.

Not yet three years ago, she was alive. And wild and happy and beautiful in the fact that she appreciated little things and cared about everyone. Now they whisper, in soft voices, Why does she always wear black?

To which the doves reply, Always, of course.

And she flys over the World at night, draping her long, black cloak and singing a song of sorrow only those with happiness may hear.

To which the people think aloud, How is she still so beautiful?

And the pigeons reply, Always, no doubt. For in trying to subdue herself and in trying to disappear from the light into a world of darkness and shadows, she merely covered it all in black blackness.

And even though her eyes are made of the blackest matter possible, there is a tiny hint of light to them that you may only glimpse once in a lifetime.

When you make her smile.

AHHH, a leaf!

Yes, that's right. The leaves are back. With a vengeance.

That means our dear, old friend, school, has made it's comeback as well. The days are now packed with preparations and shopping and supplies and new clothes.

And you all know you're excited for it. You can't deny that you feel the slightest desire to be back in the groove of things and back with everyone in the same place.

Everyone changed so much this summer and we're all going to walk into those doors on Friday, (Or Tuesday for everyone who doesn't go to Saint Macs, and who sucks) and realize the changes. I'm nervous and happy at the same time... I'm hoping grade 10 will be as good as gr 9 but I mean you really have no idea until you're done the year.

So here's my farewell to Summer. It was probably one of the best one's I've had in a long time. One of those defining Summers, you know, when you meet a bunch of new people, do a lot of soul searching and withgo a drastic mental-makeover on the way that you look at things.

I hope this year treats you all as well as last year did.

xox

i don't care if you leave me anymore, because most times it feels like you're already gone

Look into the future
Look into my eyes and tell me everything's alright
Tell me where we're going
I'm so afraid cause I don't know
What's going on with my life

But it'll be alright tonight
Will it be alright tonight?
Are we doin' alright in old L.A. tonight?

Sitting by the ocean
Mapping out my plans of action, baby, they include you
I wish you'd send a message
Maybe I'm just better off not knowing who knew

But it'll be alright tonight
I'm gonna be alright tonight
Are we doin' alright in old L.A. tonight?

Those summer nights when I look in your eyes
I'm falling to pieces, pieces out of my mind
And I'll never know why
I'm falling to pieces, pieces

Who could you imagine such a thing could happen to you?
It's gonna be alright in old L.A.

Those summer nights when I look in your eyes
I'm falling to pieces, pieces out of my mind
And I'll never know why
I'm falling to pieces, pieces

It's gonna be alright in old L.A. tonight
-Ozzy Osbourne - Old L.A. Tonight

bet you were expecting something great

Well, I'm just too tired to deliver.

The trip was amazing. Nothing to complain about there. (For once) But waaay too much to type. So if you want to see pictures of all the nuts things we did, you can check them out here where I expertly organized them and made them all pretty.

You're just going to have to use your imagination about what happened. It's a lot more exciting that way.

Thanks for all the Bloggaversary comments too readers. Meant a lot to me.

happy bloggaversary!

Here it is people. One full year of truly amazing blog posts. One full year of Love Is A Piano.

We laughed, we cried. We wrote nasty comments. In celebration, I ask you to leave me a nice one for the occasion :).

And for my part of the celebration, I present this special post.

Why Saint John Sucks
A Suckumentary By Katelyn Andrews and Maria Lamprea

While waiting for Saint John Idol to start the other day, we had a fabulous idea. Why not go around and take pictures with our trusty cameras of why we hate our city with a fiery passion that consumes our souls? Sounds like fun, non?

So here they are, actual proof that living in our city shoud be considered inhumain.

We have such amazing scenery, no? Don't you just want to live here, wake up every morning to the scent of seaweed and toxic waste and look out your window to see industrialism at it's best too? Cus I know I sure love it.














Our engineers must have been geniuses in their time. But no, seriously, every structure in this city is boring and everyday. Like, oh my god, a bridge... that goes over a river. (Actually, it's the reversing falls... something amazing or something like that but who really wants to see it anyways?)














There is no 'Saint John Centre', (Note, they spelt Centre in French...) There is no Saint John City. Hell, we don't even say 'downtown' because it sounds so damn ridiculous.














Our folliage is truly remarkable eh? Actually, it surprises the hell outta me that even a little flower can grow in a place that endures 8 months of winter... Go flower power!















There are two many ways to get out of Saint John, and not enough ways to make people want to stay here.

Also, if you were having a bad day, do you know how easy it would be to jump off that bridge, roll onto the tracks and get hit by a passing by train? EASY I TELL YOU!














*Cough*Cough* Can you say lung cancer? Or asthma? Whichever is easier. For real though, the ammount of pollution we distribute into the air is disgusting. Again, here's where the industrialism comes into play. No one wants to live here but everyone wants to built a new power plant or refinery or goddamned call centre here.














We have such an abundance of artistes eh? I would call this very post modern! Cus you know, everyone in Saint John is so busy being such a tough-ass g-unit that they obviously hold no regard for the police force.














We litter more then we clean or recycle.














More than half of the population is overweight. Making Saint John Canada's fattest city. And Making the numerous McDonald's a second home for most citizens.














We think we're the next Hollywood. Which I'm sorry to say, but there is no way in hell. Like, what was the point of this sign? Seriously? Half the time the lights on it are burnt out. It's the but end of a lot of jokes and do you really think the tourists appreciate the mockery even more of having picked such a terrible place to come visit?

No.














We're a tad ilitterate.. wait, illeterate... no wait, illitraeta?














We're frigging lazy. Like seriously, is the only point of a porta-potty in the middle of the bridge just to make a place to go to the bathroom betwen McDonald's binges?














This is our idea of a mountain. No joke. Forget the Rocky Moutains here. That's (^) our Rocky Mountains.

All in all, Saint John is so damn awful that we grew tired of taking pictures of what makes it suck. Actually, we took one more.

While we were resting from the pure fatigue of it all, Maria, in an act of bravery, decided that it was all just too much for her and that she would rather be hit by a train then live in Saint John a minute longer.














How would you like to live in a city that caused you to contemplate suicide like poor Maria here?
Saint John, and it's overwieght, rude, illiteryate residents need your help! If you think Saint John sucks, or would just like to tell me how much you've loved my blog over the past year, the leave a comment below!

Thank you all!

Expect a post by the middle of next week, entitled; Nova Scotia Company Family Vacation: A Horror Story, complete with real photos!

with more hate and hurt then before

I hate you for what you did to me.

That's the first time I've admitted that. I knew I 'hated' you, I knew I despised you, and wished the worst upon you, but I could never find the words.

Someone told me that I keep everything in to the point of explosion. I know I do. I just want to cover up my sadness with a mask of smiles. I want people to look at me and think that I am happy and having a good time. I don't like being the type to mope or make a fuss. I think that if I go out and party or get drunk or have a good time, that my momentary happiness will be better than my overall misery.

Back to hating you...

You changed everything. You know that, right? I trusted you. I let myself trust a male, for the first time, seriously, in a long time. And you betrayed my trust... And you made me feel the fool.

And I covered the pain by acting like it didn't bother me. And I went out and met new and more exciting boys to get you out of my head. Which only lead to more problems as I've found out boys can. And now I'm back to square one, with more hate and hurt then before.

I don't think I can ever trust a guy again. I can't believe them when they tell me I mean something to them. I won't listen when they say they care about me. Or that they think there could be a relationship between us.

I know it wasn't that long ago, but it feels like forever.

I'm trying. I'm trying ok, to let it all out. This is my feeble attempt.

I can't think about you without crying. And I can't hear your name without having my breath catch in my throat.

You hurt me far worse then you can imagine. Far worse then I thought it was possible to hurt me.

And you moved on, and left my broken self lying here. And my idea of moving on is forgetting about it. That's all I know how to do. When people just walk out of my life, I try to forget about them. To tell myself that I didn't need them anyways. I've done it before...

I don't want to talk about it anymore. I don't want to talk about you. Or any other guy that I've felt something for this summer.

I tried. But I can't let go. And I can't move on. All I can do is what I'm doing. No matter how many people I hurt in the process. It's the only way I know how to rid myself of this feeling. This hate that's taken over and spread.

I'm sorry. But I hate you more now then I did a week ago, and in a weeks time, I will hate you double what I hate you now.

one little candle

Grasping my newest John Grisham and freshly updated iPod, I head for the bathroom in search of a long hot bubbly escape.

I run the water, cooler than usual, avoiding my cuts and scrapes. I lock the door, wanting no disturbances, which in my household is a rare feat in itself.

I drown out the world, drown out my thoughts, immerse myself into somewhere else entirely. I know it only works for the moment, like alcohol or toxins, but in the moment, everything is fine and I am ok...

A knock at the door. I sigh, take off the headphones and wrap the towel around me tight.

"What do you want?" I demand into the face of my mother.

"Why did you lock the door? You never lock the door. Is everything alright? How are we supposed to get in to use the bathroom?"

"You're not."

"What's wrong? You look upset. Are you sure nothings wrong?"

"Nothings wrong."

"Well then why did you lock the door?"

"Damnit mom, I just want to be left alone for like a half an hour! Can I do that? Please! I stayed home and cleaned all damn day for you and now I have to stay home again tomorrow to babysit for you, can't I just have a half hour in the tub?"

"Stop acting so annoyed with me Katelyn, I'm being reasonable here, you're the one acting out of control."

"Of course I'm out of control! Get out and leave me alone! Half hour, that's all I'm asking! Get the hell out mom!"

I slam the door in her face.

Knock.

"What?!" I yell, yanking it open.

"Did you eat today?"

"Yes mom! I ate today! I'm fine alright! Leave me alone!"

"You don't look fine."

"I'm fine!" I yell, pushing her out. "Go the hell away, I don't want any phone calls, I don't want anyone in here, just leave me the hell alone for once!"

She turns and looks at me funny. "You're pale as a ghost and your pupils are huge."

"Mom! Frig I'm upset because no one will leave me the hell alone!"

She ignores me. "You're not telling me everything. Are you on drugs? Are you stoned?" She peers into my eyes. "You've been smoking weed, haven't you?"

"Get out!" I slam the door again, locking it and ignoring her persistent knocks entirely. "I'm not some fucking drug addict mom," I yell. "But I'm going to end up one if you don't leave me alone!"

A simple half hour of quiet. In a house of three, two, discluding me, it shouldn't be so hard. I can't take this anymore... Even when I am alone there is no quiet, there is no rest from the constant rush of thought.

Why do things work out this way? Why, no matter how much I 'ponder' do things seem to make sense? Although, what am I expecting? Some sort of newsflash while soaking in the tub? The answer to all my problems to be spelled out in the soap duds?

A single candle lights my room as I sit here, alone. The flame is so peaceful, so solitary, so strong and sure of itself, wavering only for a moment before righting itself again.

I wish I were a flame. A bit more bright. A bit more radiant. A bit stronger and a bit more sure of myself.

My mom was right. I'm not telling her everything. I'm not telling anyone everything.

I'm concealing it all to myself like my solitary candle, burning for my eyes only in the dark of the shadow.