Sunday, May 29

Karma

What goes around, comes around. What goes up, must come down.*

Hmm, Karma. A word I've heard many times.

Karma - n. one's destiny as determined by one's conduct. (Webster's Pocket Dictionary.)

I've never actually given Karma any thought. It seems a silly notion to me, whatever you do will always come back around to you. But then again, upon closer examination, it seems almost believable.

I know people will not always get what they deserve for treating other people badly. Karma seems to tell us that everything has a consequence, more or less; to treat people the way you'd like to be treated. And isn't that the Golden Rule?

I think I may try this Karma thing for a while. See if what comes around goes around.

Maybe I have to make it go around by myself....

Karma - Alicia Keys

Thursday, May 26

Thursday Morning Rant

I hate my science teacher.

That's really the only way to put it. I can't even stand looking at his stupid shell-shocked expression every damned morning. He is the biggest idiot I have ever met in my entire human being. How he got his teaching degree beats the hell outta me. I bet he just got hired off the streets during a teaching shortage, seeing how we're short-staffed as this is Canada.

Anyways, it's 8:23, and I was due to walk out the door exactly one minute ago to catch the 8:30 North End bus. But I'm not going to. Why, Do you ask? BECAUSE HE'S AN IDIOT!!! And my Mom's damn tired of hearing about him too. She says that the whole class as a group should go to the Principle to bring it to thier attention, but secretly I think that he and The Devil (M. Bedard.) are screw-buddies. I mean, good lord, how many times has he sent us all to the office just for talking like two words in english!? Mon dieu! Pas l'Anglais! Ca c'est dégoutant! Notre Langue premier? Ah, le terreur! AARRRRGGGG!!!

I mean, everything he teaches us, he contradicts not even seconds later. And everytime anyone asks a question, he only answers it with another.

Yesterday we came up with the plan to kidnap him and hold him hostage until our demands, a new science teacher, were met. And in the meantime, we could tie him up and beat him with leather belts while jumping on the trampoline, so that everytime we jumped, he'd come flying up in the air, and then we could hit him again! :>

I have a very strange imagination.

I think his main problems are :

a) He thinks just because he plays guitar at some bar for extra cash that that qualifies him to teach us gr. ten science.
b) He's afraid Gregor could take over and teach the class with flying colors, win an award, and have us all pass with high honors, while still being a funnier and smarter teacher.
c) He's afraid that we don't respect him. Everytime I get in trouble for anything, he hauls my ass out into the hall and gives me some damn lecture about how I'm supposed to show him respect or some sort of nonsense like that.

This is how one of our conversations actually went: (It really was in English too, because he 'can't talk French when he's mad.')
M. Fag: Katelyn, what step are you on for talking English already?
Lil Angel: I'm on step three, but it's not fair, because I've been on that step since November and I think I'm making an improvement!
M. F: No, that is not so. I've been watching you the whole class, bcause I knew I heard English coming from your side of the class, and it was you, talking it the whole period!
Lil A: Me?! You must be mistaken :>!
M. F: No, I was not, Like I said, I watched you the whole period.
Lil A: Well, Mr Fag, maybe if you tried harder to teach the class instead ofspending all the period watching me, I'd be so interested with the lesson that I wouldn't be talking English, or even talking at all for that matter!
M. F: You're not respectful enough to your teachers! Don't you cut that attitude with me! You're to respect me!
Lil A: Hey, if you want the respect of your students, you have to give them the same and treat us as people instead of the 'things' you are paid to teach.
M. F: Leave Katelyn, I think you've been rude enough for today.

Gee! I told him eh? Here's another:

Me, Jessy and Tori have been standing at the back of the classroom before first period even has started laughing our asses off over a prom dress add that states that the dress is a size 18... :> still makes me smile. The three of us are laughing and talking about how we should call, wear it to prom, and then during dinner, lift up the skirts and let out all of these little children to eat all the food, (All in English, mind you.) When M. Fag comes over and goes:

M. Fag: Katelyn, you're talking English, get out.
Lil Angel: No!
M. F: Get out!
Lil A: I wasn't the only one talking! Do you think I'm some sort of psycho who just talks to myself all damned day? No! You're a big bully to me and you pick on me, and you know it! I'm not leaving till you send the other ones out too.
M. F: Jessy, Tori, come out too. We're all going to visit The Devil.
Lil A, Tori and Jessy: NOOO!
After he brought us up through these stairs into the office, and The Devil coulnd't see us, he brought us back to class and acted like nothing had happened, but I was secretly hatching a plan. I was an angel the whole class! I asked questions and sat up straight and took notes and did what I was told with a happy smile! (For once!)

After class I went up to him and said:
Lil Angel: I'd like to apoligise for my actions this morning. I guess I forgot what was more important, my social life, or good grades.
M. Fag: That's very mature of you, but you still have to go see The Devil.
Lil A: (Tear rolls down cheek) Please! Please not The Devil! He scares me! Please! I promise it won't happen again!
M. F: (clearly uncomfortable...) Ahhhh.... Don't cry?
Lil A: Please, don't blame Jessy or Tori, they were only following my bad example. I guess I just wanted everyone to think that I was cool, so I tried to act all bad as a show.
M. F: (still uncomfortable...) Ahhh... it's ok? (places a pervy hand on my shoulder...)
Lil A: Uhhh... (takes a step back in goodtime.) It won't happen again M. Fag, I swear!
M. F: Ok, But this is your last chance! Warn the others! Last chance!
Lil A: Yup, I got you. Last chance, warn others, you're a faggot, I've got you!

I know how to work him like a charm. Few fake tears there, sad smile here. I'm a pro at this teacher-manipulating thing.

So, I suppose If we can't get a new one, we can just try our hardest to make this one go crazy! Although I still like the idea of the belts :)

Well, it's nine o'clock now, I should most likely get ready to go to school soon. Those miserable suckers are starting science now! Hahahahaha Muahahahahaha!

Wednesday, May 25

.♥.♥.♥.♥.♥.

♥.I looked away Then I look back at you.♥
♥.You try to say The things that you can't undo.♥
♥.If I had my way I'd never get over you.♥
♥.Todays the day I pray that we make it through.♥
♥.Make it through the fall Make it through it all.♥

[♥.Chorus:♥]
♥.And I don't wanna fall to pieces.♥
♥.I just want to sit and stare at you.♥
♥.I don't want to talk about it.♥
♥.And I don't want a conversation.♥
♥.I just want to cry in front of you.♥
♥.I don't want to talk about it.♥
♥.Cuz I'm in love with you.♥

♥.You're the only one I'd be with till the end.♥
♥.When I come undone You bring me back again.♥
♥.Back under the stars Back into your arms.♥

[♥.Chorus.♥]

♥.Wanna know who you are.♥
♥.Wanna know where to start.♥
♥.I wanna know what this means.♥
♥.Wanna know how you feel.♥
♥.Wanna know what is real.♥
♥.I wanna know everything, everything.♥

[♥.Chorus.♥]

♥.I'm in love with you.♥
♥.Cuz i'm in love with you.♥
♥.I'm in love with you.♥
♥.I'm in love with you.♥
-Avril Lavigne - Fall to Pieces

Who ever said I was only aloud to write sad posts? I know I said it myself somewhere back there that no one really wants to read about love and happiness and whatnot, but, if you're reading this blog because you know me, then you know I'm in love and that I'm happy, and that this song has been going through my head for the past week!

Tonight was a good night. I did nothing but work on memorizing the Raven for english. Doing good so far, I guess...

And now, I'm just sitting online, listening to this song, and talking to Maria, and my blog just looked a little empty. It's been a while since an actual post, I don't think Alice counts since it was a school assignment. Bet y'all are just dying for a post, well, I'm working on it is all I have to say.

♥- me.

Because As Long As We Can Love

We can do anything.

Thursday, May 19

Alice

Alice was always the girl no one noticed. Her medium length mousy-brown hair, her muddy-hued eyes, her petite features made it only easier to remain unseen and unknown.

Since as far back as she could remember, she was never picked for teams, never asked to be partners for projects, never spent the night at someone's house, never had a phone call to the house for her. She grew up sheltered, ignorant to the fact that kids her age were not always kind. She watched from a far, worshipping the very ground the 'cool kids' walked on.

Alice had never had it easy. As a small child, she had escaped a near-death experience that had unfortunately taken the life of her caring and nurturing mother. When they buried the casket, Alice buried a small piece of herself too, unknowingly, never to return.

As she reached her teenage years, things began to rapidly go downhill. When her father had remarried, her stepmother had brought along three new sisters with her.

Alice felt the difference between them. It was impossible not to. They were perfect. Indescribable beings like which no one had ever seen. Triplets, their only difference being the length of their corn silk blond hair. In another time, Alice thought, they would be placed on pedestals and worshipped as goddesses. Their only fault would have had to be that they were unkind and evil to her beyond all measure.

Her step-sisters arrived in the summer, the school year started in the fall. Driving to the front doors of her new school on the first day, Alice felt a sudden terror. High school would be so much different than Middle school. She could start over, at least attempt to be seen, at least attempt to be recognized or be noticed, but as the triplets stepped out of the car, their hair perfected with many hours of work, their skirts just a little too short, and their shirts cut a little too low, Alice knew that while living in the shadow of impossible beauty, she would never be able to emerge.

It was two months into High School and things were life-as-usual for Alice. If anything, it was even harder to be noticed in High School. There were so many people, who was going to look twice at the little girl with brown hair and freckles? In every class she took was a new group of people, and not one of them yet had spoken more than two words to her, not one of them yet had asked to be her partner, not one of them yet had asked her to spend the night.

It was during that second month that Alice met Wonder. While sitting in Social Studies, side-by-side, Wonder turned to Alice and introduced herself. It was the first time anyone had made an actual effort to get to know her, the first time it seemed to Alice that anyone had really attempted.

Wonder was the plainest plain-Jane Alice had ever met. There really, truly was nothing spectacular about her. Yet, she was not the kind you would look past and not see, she was the kind you felt the energy radiating from. Wonder had the most amazing way of seeing things. She had a spirit like no other. Alice quickly learned that although you may be simple and plain on the outside, you could be fantastic and remarkable on the inside. Every day, Wonder showed her a bit more of her hidden beauty, and before long, the two became inseparable.

Alice, always being the one without friends, was so grateful for one that she appreciated every phone call, every note passed to her in class, every "hello" in the halls, and Wonder, being the girl who everyone was friends with, but no one was ever best friends with, had just as much appreciation for their growing friendship. As Wonder began to introduce Alice to new people, their group of friends increased. Before long, it wasn't only Alice and Wonder, it was a whole group of girls who once weren't recognized for their true beauty.

As Alice quickly acquired more and more friends, she also quickly realized that with the good, there always came bad. Not everyone was always kind to her, not everyone always wanted to become friends. She tried her hardest not to be deceived, not to be mislead, not to be hurt.

Her step-sisters grew increasingly jealous. There was nothing great about Alice, they thought, so why is she getting all the attention? Somehow, they knew they had to put that brat in her place.

By the end of the year, Alice was no longer someone you looked past in the halls. Yes, she still looked the same, but she had radically changed in the way of her personality and outlook on things. The most important life lesson that she had learned was to appreciate everyone for their unique heart and soul. She learned that while not everyone may be model-perfect, they were all important and special none-the-less. People liked Alice for the way that she treated them. Fair and kind to everyone, Alice loved the way people had began to treat her, like an actual human being.

It was a week into the summer when Alice and Wonder were invited to their first beach party. It was to be in celebration of the end of the school year, and the date was set for only three days away. Alice's father disapproved immediately, saying that she was far too young to be off on a beach at night unsupervised, but her mind was already decided. She would go to that party, and she would be on time, and she would look good. For once, Alice knew what she wanted, and she knew nothing would stop her. Something clicked in her, suddenly, she blamed her father for her never having any friends.

"You're always trying to hold me back!" she yelled. "You're ruining my life!"

The triplets heard the commotion from upstairs. A party? They had never heard word of one. It would either have to be held by low-lives beneath them, or, for some odd reason, they had been intentionally uninvited. The thought of the later infuriated them. They quickly transformed from perfect goddesses to girls with no limits. Who did Alice, the good-for-nothing-freak, think she was? They owned that high school! They were the life of every party!

After Alice had gone to her room, crying, to call Wonder, the triplets slinkily made their way down the stairs. "Why not let Alice go to the party?" they asked, working their charm. "You know she'd never do anything against rules. She's always been a good girl."

Their soothing voices put their Step-Father into a state of confusion. "But... there, there won't be any super... supervision..." He managed to mumble. "She might... wrong crowd."

"Well," said the oldest. "What if we went too to watch over her? You know we're very responsible. We wouldn't let her out of our site for a moment! You can trust us..."

Alice called Wonder back in a state of pure ecstasy. "For some reason, my dad just came into my room saying that I could go to the party, but only because the triplets has volunteered to 'chaperone'. I think he was drunk, but it doesn't really matter as long as I can go, right?"

When she hung up the phone, she looked around in amazement. Maybe, just maybe, she had misjudged her step-sisters. Maybe, just maybe, they did care about her.

The night of the party came and Alice, for once, spent the day in front of the mirror preparing. She brushed and curled and applied lipstick in several shades. She'd never used make-up before, but her fingers just sort of told her what to do. She observed, shakily, her new and 'transformed' self. She looked so different, so mature, so... important. But most of all, thought Alice, she looked the part.

Bounding down the stairs, two at a time, Alice arrived in the kitchen with a thud. "Why aren't you ready to go?" She asked curiously to the triplets, who stood there, looking suspicious, in normal clothes and dress.

"Oh, we're ready to go alright." said the youngest. "We've just been waiting for you." Smiling to the two others, she took a step towards the door. "Shall we go?"

Instead of asking their father for a drive, the triplets insisted on walking to the beach, even though it was a good twenty minute walk. Alice protested at first; she had promised to meet Wonder there in five minutes, and now she would be late. But when the triplets threatened to not go at all, she readily agreed.

After walking without any conversation, in the slightly breezy summer air, Alice began to wonder where exactly they were going. "Are you sure you know where this beach is?" She asked.

"We aren't going to the beach." said the oldest. "And neither are you."

"But... But then I'll miss the party..." Alice grew confused, her made-up face began to frown.

"Exactly." said the youngest. "We didn't get invitations; we're not going, so neither are you."

Alice stared again, in a state of pure perplexion. If they weren't going to the party, then where were they going?

"Listen Alice. You knew we never liked you from the beginning. Waltzing around the school like you're the queen bee? Think you're all that, eh?"

While the middle triplet spoke, the oldest grabbed Alice's hands from behind. "You were never all that. Understand?" She slipped a gloved hand over Alice's mouth.

Suddenly, Alice felt so small, so terrified and helpless. The triplets were at least twice the size of her, and there were three of them. Suddenly, she was very afraid.

"Don't even think about making a sound." one whispered from behind her. "I mean it Alice, it's for your own good."

They walked with her between them, off the side of the deserted road, into the thick bush on the side. She could barely move her legs, let alone her arms to escape, but in her muddy-hued eyes, fear was shown like never before.

After pushing her through the woods for some time, they came to a small, secluded beach. The triplet took her hand off Alice's mouth and turned her around to face them.

"Listen," Alice whispered. "If this is because of the party..."

"This isn't about the party!" The oldest shouted. "Don't you get it? This is about you thinking you're better than us!"

She raised a hand high above Alice's frightened face and brought it down with extreme force. "You'll never be better than us," she hissed, striking her again.

Alice cried out, but no one could hear. The youngest took her sweater and tied it around her mouth. The middle triplet grabbed her arms behind her again, in order to allow better aim for the eldest.

Again and again they hit her, until her lips bled and her eyes streamed tears in pain. Gashes from their rings streaked her face, like stripes on a zebra.

She could not yell, but in her eyes, you could see the words as clear as ink. Why?

When they were finished beating her, the oldest took a stone from the ground and hit her over the head. Alice's eyes slid back, her feet became like air, she slipped and tumbled to the ground, where she formed a trail of blood.

"Put her in the river." the youngest said, and they dragged her body through the rocks and twigs to the water's edge. The oldest leaned into Alice's unconscious face, so close it looked like she might kiss her, then pulled back and spit in her eyes before pushing the limp body into the icy waters, face down.

They watched a while, watched as she floated downstream, then turned, and ran back through the bushes where they had entered from.

"How was the party?" asked their father, as they came into the house panting not an hour later. "Where's Alice?"

"Oh dad!" the youngest cried. "There were so many people! We just lost her in the crowd. We spent the whole night looking for her, but couldn't find her anywhere. The girls that drove us home said they saw her down the river with a bunch of druggies. I think she might be in trouble."

And as their dad went flying out the door, not one felt a pang of guilt for their actions. They all truly believed that she had been dealt exactly what she deserved in the first place.


Author's Note: This was initially wrote as an English project that I had to present today. The topic being to write a short story or poem on a topic that you thought would evoke emotion in the audiance. This is what I came up with. If you liked it, leave a comment rating it from 1-5 so I know if the teacher gives me a good enough mark or not.

Tuesday, May 10

Out With The Old, In With The New

We are getting rid of my dad.

Slowly, but surely, we are removing every piece of furniture, every photo, every odd possesion of his.

Slowly, but surely, Blair is moving in.

Blair bothered me a lot at first, but that this bothers me more. This, this, ‘parting with dad’ thing we’re subconsiously doing. It’s like, all things have an end, but all the things that i had linked a sentimental value with are slowly dissapearing.

The couches that mom and dad bought together. I know there was only one left because dad took the big one when he moved out, but i remember going to pick out those couches and dad woulnd’t have anything flowery... the day the movers brought them liss and me were right excited because we were so young and we’d build forts and houses out of them, using the cushions as walls, using blankets as the ceilings.

Well, they’re gone now. We now have a nice new set, with big comfy seats and nice upholstery, but i can’t help but wonder what happened to the old ones, the ones that mom and dad picked out together.

All the kitchen silverware, plates and soon to be furniture. Mom went out just recently and bought everything brand new, throwing out all of the old dishes. I actually had to dig in the garbage for
dad's mug.
The new ones are nice, all blue and color-coordinated, but the old ones had character and a story behind them! The old ones were a mix of our family, the chips in them and the scratches and that place on the kitchen table where me and liss carved our names in. (Man, was mom mad about that!)

Mom’s bedroom furniture. Just yesterday, mom had a brand new dresser, side table and headboard delivered. And the old dresser and headboard she had shared with dad? Out, into the trash. This shouldn’t even bother me because it wasn’t my furniture, but i can’t help the fact that i become attached to everything.

We have a new car now too. Mom is out finalizing insurance on it right now. I don’t even remember the last time we really had a car, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. It’s another link she’s forming with blair, he’s had a say in all of these things. And slowly, but surely, his thoughts and possesions are moving into the places where dad’s were.

Slowly, but surely, he’s trying to become a part of the family.

And slowly, but surely, it’s taking such a toll.

Friday, May 6

It's A Long Long Getaway

I'm Homesick Today. After all this time, I wonder to myself if it's still normal. But, there's just those times, you know?

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It's a long long getaway, it's a long long getaway. Make it home again, make it home again.

Wednesday, May 4

The Dreaded Blank Page

I start out with a new blank page every time I write on this. But only sometimes, by the grace of god, I actually know what to write on it. Many of times, I have started to write something and deleted it, merely because I didn’t think it was good enough. And then there were the times when I was determined to write something (like right now) so I just resorted to rambling on the whole time. (like now.)

I start out with a blank day every time I wake up in the morning. But only sometimes, by the grace of god, I actually know what to do in it. Many of times, I put my mind to doing something and then don’t, merely because I didn’t think it was worthwhile. And then there are those times when I was determined to do something (like right now) so I just resorted to writting on my blog. (like now.)

I never said my life was interesting, but it’s mine.

Actually, come to think about it, all you readers who don’t really know me, really don’t know that much about me. I’ve considered writing one of those All About Me! posts, but nah. I’d rather let you piece together the pieces of the puzzle all by yourself. It’s more fun that way.

Sunday is Mother’s Day and I’m not quite sure what to get my Mom yet. I have some ideas, there’s this new store in Market Square where they make flower bouqets out of candy. Maybe I’ll get her one of those, even though that’s like the cheesiest gift ever. (I never said I had any great ideas!) Blair’s taking me shopping, (Blaire, n.- That guy that my mom is dating and could potentially marry. Known to me and Jessy as Peter because he bears a strong resemblance to Peter off the Family Guy. He tries to buy my affections, and may just suceed in doing so if he continues buying me gifts like my iPod.)

I’m applying for a job at American Eagle next week. Shouldn’t be too bad if I get that. I think that’s a place I wouldn’t really mind working at, and the worker’s discounts aren’t too shabby either.

So, I’m just rambling. Don’t feel the need to comment. I’m just in one of those moods where I had to write, so... I did.

Tuesday, May 3

A Checkup For The Soul

Touch the roof, taste the floor.
Breathe
Ever so deep, for one moment please.
Live
Ever so short, for one moment please.
Say AH and divulge all your secrets to me.

Its says right here, you were once deep in love.
True?
Love so strong, so powerful.
True?
Thought he was the only one for you.
But you weren’t his only, true?

And it says over here, that he took your soul.
True?
Killed it all, buried it deep in a hole.
True?
You never chanced loving again, and yet,
All along you knew he wasn’t the one for you, true?

This says you come from a broken home.
True?
Only ever wished of having a home of your own.
True?
But he killed that too, he killed your dream.
Took it along with him and his queen, true?

All I can say is we don’t have the cure.
It’s true.
I’m glad you came in, but there’s nothing I can do.
It’s true.
We’ll bandage it up, good, hard and strong.
We’ll pray for the best, that it carries you along.

But broken hearts never really mend,
I should have told you that from the start.
As long as he’s gone, you’ll never be well,
Because he’ll always hold a peice of your heart.
True?

Sunday, May 1

More Than A Feeling

The soft buzzing awakes her from her sleep.
vibrations,
humming.
It is the call that she awaited.
the voice,
loving.

The conversation,
too short for meaning.
The inspiration,
enough to cause screaming.

She will not forget
all that
they've done for her.
And she will not forget
the feeling
so new and unsure.

It's not just a feeling anymore.
It's better than it was before.
It's more than a feeling.