Advice

Advice for the homeless man-Stay away from Tom. He seriously will kick you.

Advice for M. Garey-When me and Jess come into class "crying" with a "family emergency" we were definately NOT at Jungle Jim's.

Advice for Guiliano-Tom is not gay and does not enjoy you clinging off of him in gym class. And you stink, get some deodorant.

Advice for Ben-Ask me out again pretending to be Tom and I'll kick your ass! Oh and sorry for standing you up for lunch,sniff sniff, I had a family emergency.

Advice for Todd-Stop asking me out as friends!!!!

Advice for K-he lies, He Lies, HE LIES!!

Advice for Mme. Vaughan.-You're ugly. Get a face job and do SOMETHING about your damn hair.

Advice for R-Being different makes you better then the everyday.

Advice for A-Looking like a gum cube is never good.

Advice for M-Never forget. Your memories will bring you closer to your goal then you can ever imagine.

Advice for J-Perverts are not looked kindly upon. Unless it's you.

Advice for Chris-Football pants in gym are NOT normal...but funny.

Advice for everyone close to me-Loving me is not a good thing. I break hearts.

If you would like some advice of your own...leave a comment

Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway

Grew up in a large town And when the rain would fall down I'd stare out the car window Dreaming of what could be And if We'd end up happy I would pray Trying hard to reach out But when I tried to speak out Felt like no one could hear me Wanted to belong here But something felt so wrong here So I'd pray I could break away I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky. Make a wish, take a chance, Make a change, and break away. Out of the darkness and into the sun. But I won't forget all the ones that I've loved. I'll take a risk, take a chance, Make a change, and break away Wanna feel that warm breeze Sleep under a tall tree Feel the Pacific ocean Get onboard a fast train Travel on a jetplane Far away And I'll break away I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky. Make a wish, take a chance, Make a change, and break away. Out of the darkness and into the sun. But I won't forget all the ones that I've loved. I'll take a risk, take a chance, Make a change, and break away Buildings with a hundred floors Swinging with revolving doors Maybe I don't know where they'll take me Gotta keep movin on movin on Fly away Break away I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly. Though it's now not easy to say goodbye But I'll take a risk, take a chance, Make a change, and break away. Out of the darkness and into the sun. But I won't forget the place I came from I gotta take a risk, take a chance, Make a change, and break away Breakaway Break away

(My version)

Not Anymore.

I used to walk in the rain, just to feel it drop down on me. Just to smell the scent of rain. Just to feel insignificant. I used to bake cookies. Every weekend, to fill the house up with the sweet smell of chocolate. To have Mom and Liss come home to fresh baking. I used to paint picutres, do artwork, draw. All things to express myself. Beautiful colors swirled onto paper and canvas that described my every desire. I used to redecorate my room every month or so, to forget the things that had happened. To start again new, fresh, to make things seem like a new start. I used to catch the bus to school in the mornings. Walk back through the aisles saying hi to people i knew along the way. Reach the back and take my earned seat. I used to open my locker. Same code every day. 43-25-43 for threee years. Inside were photos of me, friends, family. Stickers, old lunches, text books that i had forgot i had and had to pay for. I used to be young. Watch the Big Comfy Couch. Build forts, enjoy the park. Play on playgrounds for no reason, chase the wind and leaves. I used to be happy. My life had so much meaning to it. I had a family that cared so much about me and i was secure, even though i was constantly moving and leaving behind things, i was happy. What happened to everything? When did it all fall down? Why didn't i notice that the simple things that made me soo happy are things i would never think of doing again? I wish i could walk in the rain one last time, with my yellow rubber boots. I was young. Not anymore.

Some People...

Some people seem to get enjoyment from my every day shit of a life. They enjoy laughing at my teenage angst and thinking to themselves, "I'm so glad that's over with!" I've had a request to write some more, and even though i don't really want to i will continue to write about the things that are taking place, so that everyone can se what's going on in my fucked up mind. Well today is the last day of the third week, and things today were not any better, or worse, then all the other days. Nothing exciting in the leats happened, except for my cousin Jess deciding that it would be funny to come to our first afternoon class, (science) high. That was pretty funny, even though sometimes i'm just a bit ashamed to admit that we're related. Just a bit. Today our science teacher, Mr. Garey, told us all that we would be going on a feildtrip to the Saint John Museum. Oh fun of all fun! The SAINT JOHN museum. What the hell are we going to look at? A whale exhibit that's been there for ages? or some rocks?! what are we going to learn?! and i mean come on, a FEILDTRIP?! how old do they think we are? This is grade nine, not grade two. I am waaaaay too cool for this :) So i'm going to make it fun. Maybe Jessy can help me out. I think some of my classmated have reverted to thier primative natures again. Remember when in like kindergarten it was cool and funny to hit girls? Well some guys in my gym class Kyle, Chris, Paul and Tom, have deicded that it's wickedly funny to throw things at my head. And even when they're not aiming there, i've been ending up getting hit anyhow. I swear i think some mad psychologist who's starving and needs some money has implanted a ball-magnet in my head while i was sleeping so he can make money off me when i come to him to see why everyone throws balls at me. Today by some IDIOT (Chris) I even got a nerd package thrown at me. Only nerds throw them!:P I know it's all in fun and stuff, and i wouldn't mind if these were MY guys that I've known for ever, but then again MY guys would never do that and these guys don't even know me and they throw stuff at me! Wanna know a VERY embarrasing moment that happened to me this week? Well it goes like this, my class had been at the STV campus for science lab the class right after lunch and afterwards our next class was gym at STM campus so we had to take shuttle buses over to the other school. (This is on Tuesday, i think) We had had our first dance the Friday before and things had got a little crazy. I still don't remember most of the guys i danced with, but all these ones have just been randomly coming up to me and saying that i danced with them at the dance. This so happened to happen again now, as about a hundred of us were all waitting outside STV for the buses. These amazingly good looking guys called my name, so i looked over and they were motioning me to come over and talk to them. When i did we were just talking about how i had been dancing with them at the dance too and they were syaing that i was right the good dancer and right hot and everything. Then i felt it. There was this strange movement coming from the back of my sweater. It tickled, and then stopped. When it happened i kinda made a weird twitch to try and scratch at whatever it was and the kind of looked at me a little funny, then just continued talking. After a while i felt it again, but it was sharper this time. I went, "Guy's i think there's soemthing in my shirt." But they just kept talking. Then i felt it again! This time it kind of hurt though, so i stuck my arm down the back of my sweater and started feeling around to see what was down there. Then i felt a really sharp pain! I started screaming and jumping around and i dropped all of my books and started pulling at my sweater to try and get out whatever was stinging me. Everyone went dead-silent and watched as i ran around screaming. Then i had to have my cousin Jess who's NOT afraid of bugs come and reach down my shirt and get it out. Just in time the shuttle buses pulled up and i raced to get onto one of them. People were like moving out of my way and stuff. I just sat there rubbing the place on my back where i'd got bit. When we got back to STM our next class was gym and it was a mixed class with grade twelvers. As soon as i got in there abut half of them started looking at me funny and laughing, The same guys that i had been talking to outside of STV were in my gym class!!! and now they wouldn't even look at me, let alone talk to me... High school, with me, is a love and hate relationship. Some times i love it but then other times i hate everythng abouot it. It sometimes seems like it will never get better. And it doesnt matter cus we're all just another face in the halls.

I Like to Put Dots In My Titles............

So I've been hearing from a lot of people lately that they've been reading my blogg quite a bit. I never knew it was that interesting. They've been getting onto it by going through my profile...why are people even looking there anyways? I'm boring as sin!!! i have NOTHING special or interesting about me...excpet this blogg on which i ramble on repeatedly... Lately i've been finding myself with a bit of a writter's block...So now i'm just going to ramble about school...I'm not going to use people's names though....found out the hard way that's not a good idea. Well today marks the beginning of the third week of high school. Things couldn't be any starnger.I never imagined what it would be like to not be with my Pes People after all that time, and EFFORT i put into them...lol. Today in gmy class i noticed it. There's just somethign terribly WRONG with things as they are. For one my cousin Jessy is in my class. Talk about weird.... We've always just been FAMILY, never classmates. It's kinda comforting...well at least at first....to know that she was there...in the class....but now it's strange... People don't believe that we're related or anything. I wouldn't either... we don't look a THING alike. We don't act alike, or think alike, or like the same things or people. Sometime's it's like an ongoing contest too...We've alwasy dont this. One ALWAYS has to be better then the other. One always has to have a better bf or a better joke, or be better at being funny, or telling of the teacher, or making friends. We always try to outdo each other. For another there isn't ONE pes'r in my class. I had to make all new friends pretty much because when i transferred into this class the only people i knew where Jessy and Tom. There are about sixteen saint rose people in my class. Not that i have anything agaisnt any of them, I've just barely ever talked to anyone from saint rose before. but now that i have they're all right nice....just different... For another my teachers are weird....i still get lost....i only know where one bathroom is....i've never yet even gone to the cafeteria for lunch before....and the principal wears funny clothes.... Saint Mac's is a crack up....the dances are crazy...both good and bad. cops pratrolling the whole thing...drunks everywhere u turn...puke in the garbadge cans....old pervy grade twelvers coming up and trying to dirty dance with me Milah and Cailin.....(ugh AW!) But the wierdest part of all is how easy it was to be here...Apart from everything i knew....huh...i was the one who said i wanted change. change i got.

..........

Who's Miss _ C????!!!!??? Wow....i have a fan!

Me.

Fuck you mother fucking shit face. I will not change. I am me Deal with it

Maybe...

Maybe I did enjoy it just a little bit then.... Is that a crime? Should I now be punished for all enternity?

The sun...

I am blind. The sun, whose light was once so bright...is now blinded by the heavens. And will not be able to once again see until the depths from beyond are taken away. She will cry. Hot scalding tears of lost youth onto her cheeks...leaving scars now unhealed. And she will not forget the heavens again...as long as her youth remains in her mind.

So what?

So what if i'm not...It's not like i enjoyed it.

Esse Quam Videri, To Be Rather Then To Seem...

So true. It is better to be something then to seem like you are. This is a lesson you learn every day at Saint Malachy's. To be rather then to seem. The school's own motto. Maybe it should take a leaf out of it's own book. Maybe it should BE the school it tries to seem like. I wanted to come here so bad. I made the big fuss. I told everyone they were losers to go to sjhs. I seemed rather then be. But now i want to be. I want to be the energetic enthousiastic school-spirited student that im trying so hard to seem like. I want to be just as proud to be a saint. This is something im going to have to live with, my choices, seeming reckless at first, will be with me now for the rest of my four years at high school. Esse Quam Videri...Vita Vitalis...what does it matter anymore?

Back to School...

Unfortuantely, like all good things, summer has come to an end. And sent us all on our ways to new begininnings, breaking out from the crowd and going our seperate ways. Which is what we're all doing this year. I never though high school could come soon enough. It seems only yesterday i was in grade four wishing with all my heart that i could be like those grade sevens. And now i'm wishing with all my heart that i could be that grade fourer again. This is the year that all new things will begin. We will meet new people, and lose old friends. We will form new bonds of trust and be mislead and backstabbed by others. We will be shocked by some people's actions and admirative of others. All of our lasting friendships will be tested. And we will all be divided. No matter which school we go to, even the strongest bonds and friendships will change. We all want to promise that nothing will change and that we will always be friends for ever. But things do change. Take the Six Chicks for example. I seem to remember some promises there. "We'll always be best friends," "Six Chicks for life!" "I'll call you every day!" "We're so hanging out like every day this summer..." And now i look at the six chicks and just see six girls, who couldn't be more different right now. I used to feel like i was better off because we were so lucky to have five other best friends, but now i wonder if we were just saying six chicks to put on a mask of security. The six chicks will be split up between two different schools, two different languages. About six months ago i never thought i would say it. But then again about six months ago i never thought i'd be saying many of the thngs ive been saying this summer.

someone said i was probably a fat goth...:(