Edge of Sixteen

We're failing our exams
We're cuffing math class
We're cheating on tests
And expecting to pass

We're sneaking out late
We're drinking strong beer
We know childhood is short
We're beginning to fear

We're tired and hungover
We're hyper, we're high
We're convinced we're immortal
We will never die

We're backstabbing bitches
We're talking of friends
We're beginning relationships
Before other ones end

We're meeting new people
We're forgetting the past
We're ditching our friends
For romances that won't last

We're partying on beaches
We're partying on hills
We're trashing our houses
And cleaning up spills

We're falling in love
We're growing apart
We're mending each cut
In our mistreated hearts

We're burying our friends
We're mourning thier loss
We're blaming someone
Anyone; at any cost

We're silent and sombre
We're crying soft tears
We're opening feelings
And confessing deep fears

We're all friends of some sort
We're all so alike
We're all searching for something
That will somehow feel right

We all still hurt
We all still breathe
We've all still tried drinking
Drugs, maybe weed

We're on the brink of something big
We're on the edge of sixteen
We're all in it together
Waking up from a dream

Someone's Been Eating Carrots

So that's what happens when you put puke-covered towels in the laundry machine. I've always wondered.
Haha! Too funny.

I Know...

You want to hate me. I can see it in your eyes. You wish you could hate me so bad. But at the end of the day, it just can't happen.

You've finally realized we're too much alike.

There there, don't cry too hard.

Hmm

Mom is only happy when there is the prospect of a man on the horizon. The only time she doesn't fight with me is when she is feeling like acting the part of the 'Great Mom' so as to impress future would-be's.

And yet, I seem to hate every single man she brings home. They are all trash and she can't seem to see that. Then this cycle begins when they break her heart and we must deal with terribly bitchy mom once more.

Please lord, don't let this continue the rest of my life ...

Sometimes I want to call my dad, and scream and yell at him that I am mad with him. Im so mad at him, and I don't say anything because I feel bad for him, and I think his life is bad enough at the moment without having his daughter say he is the biggest disspointment in her whole life.

But the truth is, I am mad at him. And what I want to do more than anything is tell him. Scream and yell at him and remind him that he is my father. Not some stranger to see on the streets. He's responsable for us.. and he is sitting back and being a wallflower in the midst of pure hell.

Sometimes I want to just call him and cry and beg that he could at least, for me of course, pretend to be in love with mom again so that she will be happy again and I will have my family back. And then I realize I sound like one of the dumbest, most selfish people on the face of this earth.

So then I wonder what it makes my mom when she wakes up crying for him still?

So Here I Am

And There I go.

I have to admit, keeping up with this thing is a lot harder than it sounds. Much too hard to just sit down in front of the computer anymore and have all these beautiful ideas blossoming forth from my brain. None the less, I do enjoy the feeling of typing something that people will read, whether they like it or not. So, here is my post.

Today is Sunday of a rather boring week. First one of the new term, of which I have the most terrible classes ever. Work-wise they arem, but people wise I must have hit a jackpot because I have at least three good friends in every one. The question is, Can I handle the workload or not? The home report we took home on Friday may be questionable. I went down in two of my major classes, English and Math, but went up by at least 8-10% in all others. Surprisingly, History was by far my best class. Still can't quite figure that one out.

So last night I quit my job. Job? you say. Yes, I had a job. It was actually a pretty decent one too, making more than minimum wage + tips and working with people who I didn't mind too too much. The only problem seemed to be in my hours. Fridays and Saterdays, 6-11:00 or sometimes later. That left me in school monday to friday, working both my weekend nights, leaving me really only Sunday night which is a weeknight almost as well. Another reason for quitting were my new courses this term. I'm taking ones I think are going to require a hell of work and I don't want to be tied down to working on a night that I need to finish a thousand word essay or something of the like.

Also, we're moving into a house. Mom's been approved for the mortgage and all that mumbo jumbo I don't really understand. She's already started looking, and has four at the moment she really likes, two being in grand bay, one on the east side and one in millidgeville. Of the choices, I'd much rather prefer to stay in millidgeville but the chances of that are slim... So long as it is a nice house though and I have my own decently sized room, I shall be okay. We should be moved in by April at the latest.

I wrote this sort of catch-up post in hopes that if I filled everyone in on my life lately that writing more posts would be a bit easier. I'm not sure if this is a likely theory or not, I suppose we shall see.

xox

Leave A Comment...

If you've ever cried yourself to sleep and woken up smiling.

Question...

Is it better to have something and lose it painfully, or to have never experienced having it at all and spend the rest of your life wondering?

Sometimes I wonder what it's all worth. The fighting and such. Why do we even bother? And why is the only advice I get to talk about it. I'm pretty sure that helps no one in situations like this.

I used to consider myself lucky. I suppose I still do to a degree, but hey, if you're reading this, do you? I know you have all these ideal concepts in your mind. They don't seem to fit the picture anymore, do they?

So instead of taking the message to heart, why don't you just fight with me some more.

And don't start with how it's my fault, cus I'm pretty sure I'm the one attempting.

But don't bother attempting yourself. Don't over exert yourself, wouldn't want to have to get off the couch now would we?

Parents! *rolls eyes.*

the update on kate

*editor's note - please don't ever call me kate again, it just rhymed so i went with it...

hello all! how's it been? long time no talk, i know. seems with school and.. umm homework and ... cleaning my room and... ummmmmm ... ok, i don't have too many great excuses about why i haven't been posting lately. nor do i promise that this will be a good post. it's just that i came across my blog today, and it looked so lonely and sad! no comments, no posts in so long! it was crying to me, crying out! "write in me please katelyn! don't leave me alone again!" (-insert squeeky voice here-). so i just had to oblige.

so, you ask, what have i really been up to all this time?

well faithfull readers, i shall fill you all in...

two weeks ago were midterms, and i did surprisingly well on those! i'm passing all my classes as of now, with the following marks on my last home report;

english - 81
fi math - 84
fi ancient history - 72
hpe - 78
visual arts - 93

woohoo! seems all the work and no... play (aka - blogging) has payed off! except for the fact that there was still some play.. haha.

other than that... mostly family dumb stuff. mom has a new boyfriend, jason, who has been hanging around a lot lately.

he's quite the weird kid. but if i were to pick between him and the b-word i suppose i would pick him, but it's not much of a selection, that much is gaurenteed. it's like, with jason, he is so scared that i wont like him or something, that he is constantly trying to be this insanely happy likeable guy, even when it's completely obvious he isn't. not to mention the fact that he has three daughters, 2, 6 and 9, the middle of which stepped on my toe and called me a skank... oh yea, did i forget to mention that they're complete brats!?

and then there is xmas. which is fastly approaching. with it comes the terribly cold weather and the winter depression or whatever you would like to call it. you know what i'm taking about. that terrible sick-but-not-quite-sick-i-hate-school-and-don't-want-to-go-today-or-get-out-of-bed feeling. well, it got hold of me, for quite a bit, during my summer-to-winter transition. but after a morning home playing video games with my dad and the first bit of snow, i was fine. which is good, because i was starting to wonder!

so yes, xmas is very soon. and i need to start buying frigging christmas presents! for myself, of course :).

anyhow, this was a quick entry between homework assignments and loads of laundry. i'm hoping to start writing at least four times a week again... stay tuned!

xox

it's not that i hate you, i just forget

I know I won't always remember,
But please don't let me forget
Every day we spend apart,
Softly easing tendered hearts
Burning hate like cigarettes.

And don't forget my smile,
As you sit and blanky stare
Because I can't forget the way,
Your smile seemed to say
And promise you'd be there.

Remember the time we made the dolls?
Yea, unfortunately neither do I
Pipe cleaners and looseleaf sheets,
Mix in with nostalgic heartbeats
Why don't you ever try?

I know I won't always remember,
But I don't want to wait and see
My memories; slowly fading,
Thoughts; dissintegrating
Broken hearts left out to bleed.

&

The closure only comes to her at the price of many tears.