I'm Toast.

" I want something else to get me through this Saint John kind of life. " I know those aren't the words to the song, but that's what everyone thinks they are, and that's what we all sang on the way home from the movies without even thinking about it. It makes me wonder if maybe everyone who lives here truly wishes for something else. Maybe they don't say it out loud, but maybe they're so occupied with how much Saint John sucks that they can't see it for any good.

It doesn't matter to me anymore. As long as I have true friends, a home and am able to learn my little "life lessons" I always end up learning the hard way, I'm fine. I know there isn't a lot of places to go here, but there's always something to do.

But this "Saint John" kind of life is fine for me, i don't need anything to get me through it. I know I said I wasn't going to talk about how great things are going because it gets boring, but it's nice to read and be happy for people sometimes too.

I broke out of the breadbag for the while, away from all the little peices of white bread with the thin brown crusts, and I hopped into the toaster and made myself into toast. I realized that it's not the fact that I'm going to be grouped into the "bread" category still, it's the fact that they'll go moldy...? No wait, It's the fact that I have peanut butter on...No, I think it's that I'm different in my own mind, and that's all that matters. You can change bread into toast, but you can't turn toast into bread, so I'm never going to be bread again. You can put butter on me though, marshmallow fluff is good as well...

But either way, I'm made of tougher material now. I'm not using this as my security blanket I realized, I'm using this as my way to write a book and cut out those publishing assholes. This is my book that can be instantly published to a wide audience and get automatic feed-back. This is me practising while I wait, wait for something to come of this.

And people have given me hope lately, that something will come of this "Saint John" kind of life. I know that if I put my mind to it, I can make anything happen. I can make myself a toaster strudel if I really want to. But I'm content being toast right now.