I Met A Girl I'd Like To Know Better

"Save it", I plead. "It doesn't matter what you have to say anymore."

Taken off guard, your eyes reveal a twinge of confusion mixed in with the deep green sea of guilt. You hide both quickly; you were never one to show emotion. Not to me, at least.

You're killing me, and so I push you away. There is just nothing to say. This time your cologne is chasing after me instead of you; begging forgiveness.

I used to love the way your paint-stained hands held mine. The way your lips mumbled the words before you ever got them written down. When you spoke, the world fell at your feet just to catch a fragment of a sentence. You commanded the room and the attention of everyone in it. You had everything under control and I gave up all control to you.

I was stupid and foolish enough to believe that you could ever fathom what I felt for you and feel it maybe in return. I suppose I am a stupid and foolish person altogether; I never noticed any of the signs or maybe I just pretended not to see, not to hear, not to smell, not to feel. Now that I think about it, I could probably taste her lips off yours when you kissed me goodbye. I never did pay attention to those kind of details. I never could say things quite the way you could. I was never one for art; the brush became just an object that got in my way. Yours seemed an elongated version of your arm, moving in swift, gentle gestures; sweeping over me.

It was evident to everyone I suppose; you were light years out of my grasp. Yours was a light I could never muster.

I do not have much to be proud of. I'm not beautiful. I don't excel too often. There was nothing special about me really, besides you. And even then, I was merely your shadow; travelling along on all of your adventures. My parents always tried to install some form of pride into me so that I was not easily mistreated or taken advantage of. Those ethics went out the door the day you walked in.

I wonder, maybe I can get them back now. I know I am broken, but perhaps this isn't the end of the world as it seems. I am weak, but I can gain strength. I want to be able to take control of my own situations. I want to have a light within me. Maybe not as strong as yours, but I can glow for the time being. I can work with that, and go from there.

I'd like to say I hate you for what you did to me, but I think I might actually be grateful. This strange feeling of freedom is coming over me, and I think I like it. I now realize this is how I should have felt all along.

I pause. Do I really have it in me? I think I do. I think you placed it inside of me, along with your words of regret. How can you truly regret your actions anyway? Didn't you figure you would regret them from the start? I don't have time to ask myself these questions. I make a one-eighty.

"Hey! Hey, wait!" You are way ahead of me, walking quickly, shoulders hunched against the cold. I thought maybe you hadn't heard me the first time, but you slowly turn and your face reveals recognition. It configures into a grin as I glide towards you. You think I'm changing my mind, don't you?

We're face to face and I can feel you breathing a sigh of relief. Maybe I really did mean something to you, in some sick kind of way. I suppose we don't appreciate what is ours until it's not ours anymore.

I reach around my throat and rip the locket from its resting spot. I didn't actually think it would break off so easily, you didn't pay that much for it, did you? It breaks; half of the heart falls to the ground along with the miniature picture of me and you.

"Here," I gasp. I'm still out of breath from the last minute dash. "I have no need of this anymore." I'm ending it, for good. I wonder if you realize.

Your mouth is gaping. I wish you'd close it, you look rather ridiculous. I smile and I know you know it's the last time you will see it. Then I walk away, and you know what? The cold, it doesn't bother me so much anymore. I like the cold. I am the cold. And I can feel it taking over my bones. Everything is going to be just fine.

I met a girl I'd like to know better. Thank you for the introduction.

I Met A Girl - Wheat