A Long Time

Wow.
I haven't written in AGES!
I hope all you "readers" of mine weren't just dying to read some more of my pathetic shit.
Well just incase you were i'll fill you in on some of the crap that's happened while my computer was getting fixed.

Ok, hmm. Last time i wrote i wrote about Halloween. Well not even really, just a load of crap which is what usually comes out when i'm hyped-up on caffeine. But i'm not today. soo0oo, my entry will make sense this time, i hope.

Today is remembrance day. Our school had a very nice assembly put together for it yesterday, and for today and tomorrow there is no school.I love how my school always gets so into everything and anything, it makes me feel like when they're saying, "the saint malachy's family" that they mean it. And that i belong because I am a saint, which means i am their family and like it or not family sticks.

Ah, family. Well incase you didn't know i have my first cousin J in my class. i swear, sometimes it seems like we're on opposite sides of the earth. one moment we will be rapping our project in sc humains, laughing our asses off and talking about things that only we know about, and then the next she will be yelling at me or being rude and putting me or my friends and family down in front of others. Maybe she doesn't realize that she does this, but i realize that she's mainly nice to me when she wants someone to talk to. Maybe that's not her fault. I mean i know she has a lot of shit going on, maybe no one to talk to, but then again, she's the only one i go to talk to anymore too. And when she's mad at me, which seems to be often lately, i hold it all in and have nothing.

Sometimes i wish that the borders between boys and girls weren't so harsh. I wish i could be "just friends" with a guy and be really close to them, talk to them about things and go to them for advice, while still being able to joke around with them, hang around, have them beat me up, who cares! I've realized time and time again that boys make better friends then girls. I don't have to deal with them being mad at me for reasons that don't even make sense or with them having "pms" days where they say they aren't mad at you and still treat you like shit.
I recently called my friend Dylan on the phone and we talked for like over an hour with no awkard pauses. It was really great, cause right then that was really what i needed.

I talk to Mat every night on the phone though. but we have a connection in a different way.

Sometimes i wish i could just take everyone i love and care for, throw them in a blender, add some needed things like "start fresh's", "a dash of love", "forgiveness", "a little bit or forgetting" and then swirl it all around with some, "get over it". Afterwards, i'll put us all in a big pan, and cook for as long as it takes, hoping that when i take us out, i'll end up with a bunch of closely-knit friends again, that won't let other people or circumstances come between them.

But im NOT martha stewart. And miracles only happen on thirty-fourth street.

If only they happened in a little city called saint john. On a little cul-de-sac called Piper Court. To a little girl who wants more then anything for all the fighting in her life right now to stop.

(cheesy)